Hello May

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I realised after yesterday’s extremely long ramble I need to get out of a rut. I write because I need to get the things out of my head but I fear I’m veering off course and I need to get back on track. I’m so easily distracted and need to work on focusing more. So I’ve decided to keep my huge word counts for finishing my novel instead! I like blogging, I like writing, I like sharing in the hopes that it helps someone else or make someone else feel less inadequate when they see what a hash I’m making of my own life.

Some things you cannot change, so you have to change your attitude in how you deal with them. May might turns out to be just as disastrous as April but the sunshine this morning gives me a different vibe, funny how sunshine changes our perception of everything, as I said in an Instagram post this morning sunshine is the best filter. When it’s raining and cold, it’s damp and miserable but when it’s cold and sunny the weather is fresh and invigorating. I feel invigorated this morning, which is nice because it’s been a while since I felt that way. I move with the seasons, it’s time to stop hibernating and come out of my slumber and get on with things. I spend far too much time saying, rather than doing!

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I was woken up before 6 this morning by one of the demon cats, Frank likes to get up at the crack of dawn because he’s well a cat and human sleep hours are an inconvenience to him! I forgave him though look at that face, that and the fact that when I opened the back door to let him out, the blue sky was streaked with orange clouds as the sun rose, the birds were chirping and the air was fresh and crisp, a stark contrast to yesterday’s dark and grey rain. I wish I had the energy to stay awake and enjoy the moment but tiredness walked me back to my bed instead and I overslept. Damn you cats fighting at half past midnight!

I have set myself goals for the year and they are getting done, albeit slowly but I’m being less strict with time frames and it is helping ease the pressure. I was talking about how routines are important and they are but this month I want to work on reestablishing some good habits, like going for a walk, reading more, sewing more, even if it’s for five or ten minutes a day. I took all these photos on my phone this morning, spent 2 minutes cropping and editing because that’s all it has to really take, just two minutes.

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I bought these tulips the other day because I was sick of the grey weather and the flat needed splash of colour, they reminded of little bursts of sunshine. This morning they have woken up and bloomed and I feel the same.

Seasons of Change

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It dawned on me that I’m very much in tune with the seasons, I move with them like the tide as each one rolls in and out. In the winter I tend to be me more sombre with an urgent desire to rest and recharge, the darker days make me want to hunker down and hibernate, I become less social and less productive.

In the spring I wake up, I welcome the return on the warming sun, enjoy the blossom and the earth waking up. There is the want to dye my hair a brighter colour, the darker, heavier clothes get put away, the lighter and greener foods return to my plate, flowers start filling my garden.

In the summer I embrace the bold colours and look forward to visiting the sea, in the autumn I am forever in awe of the beautiful colour that come before the darkness of winter sets in and we begin the cycle all over again.

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Humans never stop, we go against the grain, we are always pushing ourselves to hard, everything (in the western world least) is available at the push of a button, we never stop. A sense of urgency and it’s too late has been ingrained into us, the rules to success are

Maybe that’s why I never have a definitive style, I tune into my surroundings and my style and work reflect that and maybe that’s what I’ve been overlooking. I’ve been searching for a style and brand and it’s been there with me all the time, almost chameleonic  as I adapt to my surroundings.

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I get I’m sounding a little hippy witch right now but nature has always been my first source of inspiration and you know from previous posts that I feel very connected to nature but this isn’t just about that. To be honest I’m not really sure what it is about (what’s new?) All I know is that my work is about to take a different direction and I need to stop stalling, I need to let my work take it’s course and bloom, it’s not about trying to fit in or stand out, it’s just about trying to grow in what feels like a hostile environment.

When I look at the daily news, I know that I am grateful for what I have and sometimes my meanderings seem a little whiny and privileged, I get to wake up and be self-employed every day, I’m well taken of. I haven’t always been, so I fully appreciate when I am. I like my life and I’m happy, which is why it feels weird to always feel so overwhelmed and anxious over the smallest of things. Big things I can handle, small things not so much.

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Sometimes I think I should be more meaningful with this blog, give it a purpose, make it stand out as a voice amongst millions with something profound and important because I spent so much time and money on this blog, and then I remember that’s not why I’m here. I’m just here like many others because I can be, this will eventually be a place for to promote and sell my work which I’m not very good at, the more I try the further my stats and sales figures go down. I acknowledge that business and blogging is a rollercoaster, we are  the currently in a hurtling down phase but that’s not a reason to get dispondent or give up, it’s just the reason you need to take that leap of faith and try that thing you’ve always been meaning to do.

Photos by me.

‘This Is My Art, and It’s Dangerous!’

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I will live with you in the hellhole but I must express myself!

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We all wanted to be Lydia, cool and quirky in her oversized hat but deep down I’ve always know I’m Delia, slightly unhinged and my art will probably kill me, not physically like Delia’s almost did but the agony over what to create probably will. I more like Delia than I care to admit but I’m learning to embrace my inner Delia and my flakiness, and having recently purchased a pair of black pleather opera gloves, may start wearing just one as an homage. I’ve been saying for a while I want to get back into art, when I think about it I’ve always wanted to be an artist but never really taken it seriously because of whatever reason – lack of confidence, distracting life crap, the need to pay rent, bills and eat, the fear that it’s too late? (FYI it’s never too late as long as you’re still breathing!)

I figured when I became self-employed it would be sooner rather than later but everything has its course I guess. That said it hasn’t stopped me stock piling art supplies. Over the years I’ve dabbled, I used to draw when I was young, even got an A in my GCSE. I probably should have taken it further but decided against it for whatever reason and ended up breaking my promise to my teen self about never getting a boring office job which I ended up in for 13 years. I managed to take some art classes in between but never really pursued due to poor time management and perpetually being distracted by something else.

I know what’s holding me back and it’s not just lack of patience and rehoning my skills, it’s the fear of not being original and not having my own style. You might have read in previous posts, I’ve always struggled to find my niche or brand because I just don’t know and I constantly suffer from imposter syndrome. I know that I want to start painting again, I know that I like photography, I know that I just have to let go and get on with it, so I am. I know that the projects I want to do will take time, research and practice, and what with me deciding to quit one business to make room for the other, now is the time to get over myself and get on with it! Today is that day to let go of the fear, you only really fail if you don’t at least try. I’ve also ran out of excuses.

 

Aesthetically, Of Course!

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Okay so it’s time to get this blog back on track, I’ve been writing a lot of opinion pieces lately because well I, like everyone else have a lot of opinions on everything but I really don’t want this to become a ranty blog, though from time to time I will probably blog about other stuff other than creativity and style.

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I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the direction I want to take my work, what I want to do and want I want to sew for my own personal wardrobe, so I’ve been delving into my pinterest boards to try to get some inspiration and a theme together. I came a cross a quote that said ‘Live like you’re a character in a Wes Anderson Film, (Aesthetically, of Course)’ and it got me thinking even more (I know my poor tiny brain) about living authentically, being inspired and copycatting etc.

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In a world where all the ideas have been done over and over again, it is one thing to be inspired and another to go and rip something off. The biggest hurdle I need to get over when designing and creating is my fear of ripping off someone else’s work, so for instance I’m into embroidery at the moment and I followed lots of embroidery accounts, only to unfollow them because I’m worried that their designs might end up influencing me too much and it just ends up feeling like I’m a fraud but what about life imitating art, aesthetically of course?

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For me it’s mostly about colour palettes. I love colours and mixing and matching colours, how they compliment and contrast each other which brings me back to Wes Anderson films. Films inspire me a lot, maybe it’s partly because I want to fall into these worlds that have been created, or I feel drawn to the characters for whatever reasons, or maybe it’s just the beautiful sets and costumes that admire. I have sat through some rubbish films just because they were pretty to look at (I’m specifically referring to Jennifer Lopez’s The Cell, beautiful sets and costumes). When looking for inspiration in my own style as to clothing I often find myself wondering what my favourite characters wear, and if I like them purely for their style or not. I currently feel like I’m in a style rut, maybe not rut a change over of some kind. I used to dress for a purpose and I’ve had some pretty distinct styles over the years but lately I feel a shift, and not just in my style of dress but maybe in all aspects; clothes, work, design etc. I’ve always been pretty eclectic in my tastes and probably in six months when the seasons have changed I’ll be delving into a different aspect of my style.

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It’s not hard for me to understand why I love Anderson’s work so much, the colour palettes, the symmetry, the attention to detail is pretty much to my exact taste, it wouldn’t be out of character of me to decide to make a wardrobe completely styled on Anderson’s films or steal aspects of style from certain characters. Although I have not seen all his films (I still have Bottle Rocket and Rushmore to watch) I definitely stocked up on faux furs thanks to Margot Tenenbaum, and I really want to make a Suzy from Moonrise Kingdom inspired coat (though I know someone has already done this!) There are plenty of design posts already dedicated to decorating your home in the style of a WA film and scenes broken down into colour palettes so yes aesthetically I am drawn to his films, either that or it’s my unrelenting crush on Tilda Swinton (just maybe not Madame D.)

Wes Anderson // Centered from kogonada on Vimeo.

 

Still Life Sunday

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I don’t have a definitive set of resolutions or goals this year but I definitely decided that there should be less saying I’m going to do something and actually just do it instead. So last weekend I decided to stop whining about having no space to do anything and purged my workroom of stock and other stuff. The rule was if it doesn’t fit on any of the shelves it goes. I moved the furniture around a bit, decided what stayed and what went and by Sunday afternoon I have my creative space back to sew and do other creative stuff.

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On Tuesday I met up with a twitter friend in real life, something else I promised myself I would do and that is to get over my awkward self and try to be a bit more social, especially with other creatives that work from home or are freelance. It was a lovely day, we wandered through Borough market and I can across a not so cheap tray of mushroom that were very Instagram worthy, which most people were doing. I decided to think about it but we ended up passing it again, so I bought them because I thought of a photo still life I wanted to do, so i bought the tray of fancy fungi.

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One thing I keep saying I’m going to do every year is to paint but with the vintage side business taking over last year because it was just easier with the way things happened to be last year, things started to creep out and take over the flat, so I purged most of it on eBay and if it doesn’t fit into the designated box then no more buying until it can. But who know how the year will pan out, this year is already very different from last year but that could also be because I’m in a very different mindset.

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Lack of space can stifle creativity. Always moving things around, can’t find what you need, not only did the purge clear out space, it cleared out my mind and finally let the creativity start to flow again. I’ll be talking about my sewing plans in my next post but today art. So I have a lot to learn in regards to photography, how to use my camera properly and also level up my editing skills from basic to I actually know what I’m doing! As much as i love photography I don’t want to be a photographer per say but I need to be able to take better photos for my work and stuff but I also have decided to use it as a starting point for my painting which after a several years of not doing any is going to require a lot of practice. I’ve been following a few accounts on Instagram for inspiration and also how tos when setting up still life studies, so on Wednesday I used my fancy fungi to create a still life scene and use the shots for a painting at some point (like I said i really need some practice first!)

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So here is my first attempt at a building a still life, to be honest I did it rather quickly because it was so grey and rainy in the morning I wasn’t sure there would be enough light but then the sun came out in the afternoon but as it’s still January days are still short, so I just went with it. Halfway through I decided to go and forage in the garden and add a few extra bits which I preferred, i think these will make a good starting point for a painted still life.

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Please do not reproduce or reuse these pictures without permission, thank you.