I will live with you in the hellhole but I must express myself!
We all wanted to be Lydia, cool and quirky in her oversized hat but deep down I’ve always know I’m Delia, slightly unhinged and my art will probably kill me, not physically like Delia’s almost did but the agony over what to create probably will. I more like Delia than I care to admit but I’m learning to embrace my inner Delia and my flakiness, and having recently purchased a pair of black pleather opera gloves, may start wearing just one as an homage. I’ve been saying for a while I want to get back into art, when I think about it I’ve always wanted to be an artist but never really taken it seriously because of whatever reason – lack of confidence, distracting life crap, the need to pay rent, bills and eat, the fear that it’s too late? (FYI it’s never too late as long as you’re still breathing!)
I figured when I became self-employed it would be sooner rather than later but everything has its course I guess. That said it hasn’t stopped me stock piling art supplies. Over the years I’ve dabbled, I used to draw when I was young, even got an A in my GCSE. I probably should have taken it further but decided against it for whatever reason and ended up breaking my promise to my teen self about never getting a boring office job which I ended up in for 13 years. I managed to take some art classes in between but never really pursued due to poor time management and perpetually being distracted by something else.
I know what’s holding me back and it’s not just lack of patience and rehoning my skills, it’s the fear of not being original and not having my own style. You might have read in previous posts, I’ve always struggled to find my niche or brand because I just don’t know and I constantly suffer from imposter syndrome. I know that I want to start painting again, I know that I like photography, I know that I just have to let go and get on with it, so I am. I know that the projects I want to do will take time, research and practice, and what with me deciding to quit one business to make room for the other, now is the time to get over myself and get on with it! Today is that day to let go of the fear, you only really fail if you don’t at least try. I’ve also ran out of excuses.