Disturbia Suburbia – The Shopping Centre

 The Liberty Shopping Centre on a Saturday afternoon is the tenth level of hell! I went for an eye test which ultimately never happened and how we ended up staying there for five hours I don’t know, it’s some kind of alternative dimension where you lose time and years of your life. I have never seen so many under dressed, over tanned, badly tattooed cliches in one place at one time. Apparently female fashion is to wear the biggest, fluffiest eyelashes that would make Snuffleupagus from Sesame street feel inferior! There is also the tonne of black eyeliner, acrylic nails in the vilest of colours, hair piled on your head looking like a dog poo and their clothes usually a pair of leggings and crop top stretched to an inch of their life so ones Primark under-crackers are visible! By five pm on a Saturday evening they are stumbling out of maccy d’s on the cheap platform shoes, clutching their kiddy meals to line their stomachs before they spend the night downing cheap fluorescent cocktails in one of the many bars that line the street.

Today I am back for another eye check, it’s Tuesday afternoon, 4pm and girls are already sat outside the pub drinking a jug of candy coloured cocktail each, foregoing the glass and drinking straight from the jug with a straw, i guess it’s a step up from straight from the jug. The kids round here have caused by ovaries to shrivel up and die. They don’t raise there kids round here, they just let them run wild, the word feral springs to mind. People just chuck there rubbish of the floor, apparently street bins are just ornaments. That’s the last time I listen to any of my harebrained ideas, London don’t worry I’ll be moving back soon!