Winter is not my favourite season, yes it has the best natural light out of the seasons with its soft ethereal glow but light is also limited at this time of year and SAD has hit me hard this year and we’ve had quite a bit of grey, overcast skies meaning I’m struggling a little! But on the plus side not too long until winter solstice where I can start celebrating that the days will start getting longer again. I’m like Wall-E, I’m solar-powered and need the sun to function properly and so at this time of year you can find me permanently stationed under my day light lamp!
That aside, I’m also glad this dumpster fire of a year is nearly over, whilst there have been no major traumas, it’s been one of those years where a slow trickle of this and that with a side of low-level health issues that just eats away at you little by little, and although time is arbitrary and you can start afresh on anything at any giving point, winter kind of puts me into hibernation mode, which is a pretty normal feeling I think. So whilst usually this is a pretty busy time of year for me, this year it isn’t because sometimes that’s just how the economy rolls! It’s been one of those up in the air kind of years in relation to everything, an uneasy feeling of uncertainty and where do go from here? But next year I want to put down roots especially when it comes to work and create a bit more stability for myself.
This year politically has giving me a lot to think about and I can say for certain that it has taught me a lot, mostly about other people but truly what I care about and you know what I do care and if that makes me a snowflake then so be it! Black lives do matter, me too matters, poor people matter, reproductive rights matter, trans rights matter, LGBTQIA matters! And before you skip down to the comments to say everyone matters, you’re totally missing the point! Yes everyone does matter but what we’re focusing on right now are the people who over-privileged asshats think deserve to be erased. It’s the 21st century and we are apparently having to discuss whether people have the right to exist because of their skin colour or sexual orientation!!!! We as a species suck big time! But the flames of the fire are stoked and instead of hiding behinds closed doors these issues are being brought to the forefront and we are dealing with them, there is still a long way to go and I believe things are going to get a lot worse before they get better again but I’m willing to do my bit even if it just being a better human being and providing support where I can!
The thing I’ve learned over my life is that nobody is perfect, we have all done and said things we regret, the thing to focus on is did we learn from it and did we use it to grow and change into a better person? I always find it weird when someone says ‘ooh you’ve changed!’ Like change is a bad thing but nine times out of ten it’s because you’ve outgrown them. Change is good, change is growth, if we do not grow we stagnate. there are a lot of stagnant people in this world! A few posts ago I was taking about comfortable ruts, too many of us are comfortable in our ruts, trust me the world is not going to stop revolving for you, so don’t complain when it leaves you behind!
As always half way through writing a post I realise I may have gone off track slightly but to be honest this year has strayed closely to flying off the rails! But it’s time to refocus on moving forward. It’s not always about making grand sweeping gestures to make changes, sometimes it just requires a tweak here and there and the rest will fall in place. It’s about trying to do better and be better, it’s about refocusing on what is in your heart, your passion, your wants, your needs. it is not about being a people pleaser, there will always be critics telling you you’re doing it wrong, you’re not, they’re just afraid of being left behind.
Turning 40 was weird for me, mostly because getting older does not usually bother me it’s part of parcel of life, in the past I’ve revelled in turned older but this year not so much probably a mid-life crisis on some sort. What have I/have not achieved and all that jazz, the fact that even though I usually to end up pretty much good at anything I try my hand at, I’m not really focused on one thing in particular, I tend to have a jack of all trades approach to my career, to many fingers in too many pies. I guess that’s a drawback to having so many interests, in the grand scheme of things it’s a relatively minor problem and an easy one to fix.
I read an article recently about how 90% of people fail to reach their goals because they basically don’t care enough about reaching them and therefore are not committed to reaching their target. Sounds simple and a no brainer but it was also an epiphany moment. Every year I do the Goodreads challenge in an effort to ream more, every year I never reach the target because it dawned me the challenge itself takes the joy out of reading. You find yourself so eager to finish each book so you can start on the next that it takes the enjoyment out of actually reading the book. Whilst I encourage reading all the books you can, it’s also important to enjoy the book your reading. All these things when said out loud sound easy but it’s so easy to lose sight of why we do things in the first place. I don’t think the current climate of social media helps, everything is based around numbers and whilst numbers can be important they can also be meaningless and empty. We’re so busy trying to reached number goals we forget the actual goal. There are so many dos and don’ts to blogging, to being self-employed to life that we forget to focus on what we actually want, the things that we care about, the things we want to do.
If I had to pick a buzzword for next year it would be focus. I’m not really into resolutions and whatnot but I think it’s good to have something to aim for or not depending on what tickles our fancy but focus is something I’ve never really had, I’m easily distracted and forget what the task in hand is supposed to be, so I’m going to focus which I guess after this rambling blog post would be a good thing, so thank you if you made it this far. I’m working on finer details of next years projects but will mostly be working on setting up my second Etsy shop, designing and making stuff for that. I know it will take a little longer than my previous work but that’s okay, I want to focus on improving my skills especially when it comes to sewing and photography. So I guess that is my theme for 2018, refocusing and putting down roots!
Photo: Taken by me in Montreal, Quebec.